This Man Gifted $500 To His Sister Who Had A Traditional Wedding And Only $100 To His Sister Who Eloped — Now, He's Wondering If He's In The Wrong (2024)

Weddings often come with their fair share of drama. Whether it's a problem between the bride and a bridesmaid, or issues concerning a child-free reception, history has shown us that weddings are bound to cause a few problems.

In a recent post on the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit, there seems to be more drama concerning wedding gifts. One man confided in the forum and asked if he was in the wrong for gifting his sisters different items based on the kind of wedding they had.

Here's the full story as told by the man, u/AccordingLine9649:

"My parents had me when they were really young, are still together now, and had two more kids, my sisters Katie and Jess later on. I'm 15 and 17 years older than them, respectively. Because of the age gap, we didn't really grow up together, and sometimes I feel more like an uncle than a big brother to them. I've been fortunate in my career to do relatively well, and I've typically been pretty generous with them when it comes to things like birthdays, Christmas, and graduations."

"My sister Katie got married two summers ago and had your typical traditional wedding. I'd guess around 125 people were there, it was very nice, and definitely not cheap. I don't know how much they spent but I know my parents and her husbands only were able to contribute for about half the cost. The rest was my sister and her husband paying for it."

"They were super cool and let me and my wife bring our two kids even though I later found out the venue charged the same for kids as adults for the food and everything. It meant a lot, and I didn't want their inclusion to be a burden, so my wife and I gifted them $500 as a wedding present to cover our plates plus a little extra."

"My sister Jess has always been more 'low key.' When she got engaged, she told us all she would likely elope and nobody tried to convince her otherwise because it made sense for them. They aren't flashy and have always seemed pretty frugal, definitely not the type to throw a big wedding costing tens of thousands. They announced a couple weeks ago that they eloped in the mountains with just them and the necessary witness. I was happy for them and didn't feel like I missed out on anything, I've been to enough weddings that I don't have FOMO, I'm just happy they had what felt right for them."

"Since they didnt have a wedding, I didn't think to get them a wedding present because, you know, no wedding...but they did just go under contract on their first home together so my wife and I got them a $100 gift card to Home Depot. I remember when I first bought my first home, there was a lot of home improvement stuff and I made about 100 trips there, so I thought it would be a nice gift."

"Apparently, she asked Katie what they got for their wedding, and she told them, and now felt a certain way about our gift to them. She made a comment about feeling like their marriage wasn't respected enough because they didn't throw a big party and said it felt like I was showing favoritism. I told her I gave Katie more because she hosted my whole family and I know how expensive that is, having paid for my own wedding. Jess kinda rolled her eyes and walked away after that interaction, and we haven't talked about it since. That was this past Sunday."

"I thought it would be understood that the situations were just different, and it's unreasonable to expect the same generosity when you don't give any generosity (aka hosting and feeding people) by not having a traditional wedding and not inviting us to celebrate with them. Maybe I am wrong though, so I wanted some neutral opinions."

In the comments, people were pretty divided on the situation.

On one hand, there was a group of people who decided the man was 'Not The Asshole.' One user, u/JC-Cracker offered their perspective:

"My wife and I eloped. Months later my mom asked if we were going to do an open house. We never did, nor did we expect family to give us anything. It's just what happens when you elope vs having a traditional wedding," they wrote.

On the other hand, there was another group of people who thought the man was the asshole in this situation. One person who goes by u/superfastmomma shared this:

"A wedding gift should reflect how close you are to the couple and your own finances, and not influenced by the amount of flowers at the ceremony," they wrote. "It's your sister. Regardless of celebration treating them fairly equal is the most appropriate approach. You are celebrating the marriage and helping them get a start in their new life. Not buying meals."

And finally, some people called out the sister for asking about the gift in the first place.

u/NotCreativeAtAll16commented, "She's a major [asshole] for comparing the two situations. Honestly, I wouldn't have even given a gift to someone who didn't have a party. That you did, and she's now saying it wasn't enough, makes her the [asshole] of the story."

What do you think? Let me know in the comments!